Speaking of practicality, Chrysler decided to offer the PT Cruiser with two fewer doors and no roof in 2005. One assumes this was Cecilia Gimenez’s[1] first attempt at aesthetic reconditioning.
If the PT Cruiser is an acquired taste, then at least it comes in many different special edition flavors. Like, the sport[2] edition, the couture[3] edition, the flame package (phrasing), the woodie package (PHRASING!). Chrysler also decided that some people must really be into cruising in their PT Cruisers because it offered a Street Cruiser Route 66 Edition, a Street Cruiser Pacific Coast Highway Edition, a Street Cruiser Sunset Boulevard Edition, and a Dream Cruiser Series 5. Each of these special editions’ offerings were a lot like playtime with Mr. Potato Head in that Chrysler pulled a bunch plastic bolt-ons from its butt[4] and stuck them all over the PT Cruiser.
This is normally where the Gentleman Motorist would comment on the PT Cruiser’s performance capabilities. Suffice it to say, they are paltry. Yet somehow the PT Cruiser won the North American Car[5] of the Year in 2001. And, brace yourself, Chrysler sold 1.35 million PT Cruisers before Cerberus Capital Management took over and mercifully phased the PT Cruiser out of production in 2009. Simply put, even a three-headed dog[6] knew the PT Cruiser was a bad idea.
_____________________________________________
[1] Cecilia Gimenez gave us “Fuzzy Jesus” when she attempted to restore a fresco by Elias Garcia Martinez in Santuario del Misericordia, a Catholic church in Borja, Spain.
[2] You know, like golf is also a sport.
[3] When the Gentleman Motorist started to type the words “couture edition,” Microsoft Word’s Office Assistant (“Clippy”) appeared and said “It looks like you are attempting to use the words ‘couture’ and ‘PT Cruiser’ in the same sentence. Would you like help?” Even Clippy isn’t a philistine. Programming has come a long way since Y2K.
[4] With all due respect to Monsieur Head, his posterior is actually referred to as Tater Tush™.
[5] Keep in mind that North America is the same continent that brought you the Apollo program moon landings.
[6] Rumor has it that one of Cerberus’s three heads wanted to keep the PT Cruiser in production. That is the same head Cerberus uses to lick its butt.
Photo(s) from Wikipedia.
Remember Y2K, that crazy time in 1999 when Chicken Little swore that the sky was falling because computer programmers did not have the foresight to use a date format that would accommodate the new millennium? Newscasts suggested that planes could fall out of the sky and that the financial system may grind to a halt. That didn’t happen. Instead, we got the Chrysler PT Cruiser. The PT Cruiser answered the important question of what an automobile would look like if its design were based on Sam the Eagle’s head. That is apparently what you get when you take a station wagon and chop off the back. Which makes perfect sense because station wagon owners are known for their devil-may-care attitudes, not brutal practicality.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Welcome “I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.” – Oscar Wilde Archives
August 2015
Categories
All
|