Gentleman's Choice: Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG

“Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”  J. Robert Oppenheimer summoned these words from the Bhagavad Gita to describe the detonation of the first atomic bomb.  These words also come to mind when pondering the Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG.  518 bhp from a naturally aspirated 6.2 liter V8 gets you from 0 to 60 in 4.3 seconds with a top speed approaching 200 mph.  But why stop there?  Just as Little Boy gave way to Fat Man, the E63 AMG has been “upgraded[1]” to the E63 AMG S 4MATIC, which sacrifices displacement and rear-wheel drive in favor of 5.5 liter Bi-Turbo V8 pushing out 577 bhp to all four wheels.  Oh, and it also shaves another 0.7 seconds off of the 0-60 run.  At bottom, both iterations yield megatons of fun.  But at what price?  Roughly $100,000.00.  Fuel economy?  Really?!?!  About 15 city and 23 highway miles per baby seal in both iterations.  So these atomic-powered rocket sleds are brutally fast and powerful[2], but they are also luxurious with engines built by hand (and autographed) by the master craftsmen at AMG[3].  In truth, the E63 will not actually destroy worlds.  But it will destroy your children’s college tuition fund.  So perhaps a better metaphor for the E63 is not an A-bomb, but Francisco Goya’s masterpiece, Saturn Devouring His Son—a work of art coaxed from a hopelessly black darkness to haunt the dreams (or nightmares) of gentleman motorists and their children everywhere.
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[1] It also got a facelift.  But like so many other nip/tuck operations, one wonders if it was an actual improvement.

[2] One is welcome to do their best Slim Pickens impersonation when mashing the accelerator pedal into the floorboard.

[3] Which is the German acronym for “Ach meine Gott!”  One wonders if Germans also use this in text messages.

Photo(s) from Wikipedia.