“You don’t actually own a Mercedes-Benz unless it cost more than sixty-grand.” Or “Owning a Mercedes-Benz doesn’t happen below an E-Class.” Perhaps, dear readers, you have heard some iteration of this sentiment before. The Gentleman Motorist has (repeatedly), and was inclined to dismiss it as mere hogwash or puffery – the sort of self-aggrandizing, self-justification that the flows from the mouths of the wealthy like Louis XIII from its crystal vessel. But after a recent stint behind the wheel of a 2014 CLS 550, the Gentleman Motorist has learned that it’s also quite true. Here’s why.
Zero compromises.
Underpowered? Nope. The base model bi-turbo V8 provides more than 400 ponies and even more torque. That power plant will propel the CLS 550 from 0 to 60 in 4.2 seconds. Think about that for a moment. That means that this two-ton luxo-cruiser is as quick off the line as a Porsche 911 Carrera.
Quiet? Not exactly. But in the best way possible. The engine cranks out a bold baritone[1] the belies its elegant appearance. And the thud of the closing door informs that road noise shan’t interfere with the engine’s soundtrack.
Comfortable? Yeah. And then some. Loads of leather[2], an air suspension, and heated/cooled ventilated, massaging seats with self-adjusting bolstering (to counteract the g-forces, of course) all add up to an extremely comfortable ride. There are so many other little touches and technical doodads to dote on. But in the interest of time, let’s just say that the CLS 550 has pretty much any feature one can think of. A personal favorite is the adjustable, colored, ambient cockpit lighting.
Practicality? Not so much. But if you are looking at four-door coupes, which are as oxymoronic as jumbo shrimp, that isn’t your primary concern. And at least the CLS 550 will baby. In fact, it will double baby. Which means that some very lucky grandmas will be channeling Jan and Dean with their grandchildren going “SQUEEE!” in the back. And that’s the type of CLS 550 owner the Gentleman Motorist prefers to imagine – sorry, Ray Donovan.
So to those who drive the CLA, C-Class, or the GLK, you’ve got a nice car. But you don’t have a Mercedes-Benz. You’re like a duke or an earl. Which is really quite lovely. But if you want the real deal, you’ll need to take it up a notch. As Mel Brooks would say, “It’s good to be the king.”
_______________________________________________
[1] Much like Depeche Mode’s Dave Gahan.
[2] Also like Depeche Mode’s Dave Gahan.
Photo(s) from Wikipedia.
Underpowered? Nope. The base model bi-turbo V8 provides more than 400 ponies and even more torque. That power plant will propel the CLS 550 from 0 to 60 in 4.2 seconds. Think about that for a moment. That means that this two-ton luxo-cruiser is as quick off the line as a Porsche 911 Carrera.
Quiet? Not exactly. But in the best way possible. The engine cranks out a bold baritone[1] the belies its elegant appearance. And the thud of the closing door informs that road noise shan’t interfere with the engine’s soundtrack.
Comfortable? Yeah. And then some. Loads of leather[2], an air suspension, and heated/cooled ventilated, massaging seats with self-adjusting bolstering (to counteract the g-forces, of course) all add up to an extremely comfortable ride. There are so many other little touches and technical doodads to dote on. But in the interest of time, let’s just say that the CLS 550 has pretty much any feature one can think of. A personal favorite is the adjustable, colored, ambient cockpit lighting.
Practicality? Not so much. But if you are looking at four-door coupes, which are as oxymoronic as jumbo shrimp, that isn’t your primary concern. And at least the CLS 550 will baby. In fact, it will double baby. Which means that some very lucky grandmas will be channeling Jan and Dean with their grandchildren going “SQUEEE!” in the back. And that’s the type of CLS 550 owner the Gentleman Motorist prefers to imagine – sorry, Ray Donovan.
So to those who drive the CLA, C-Class, or the GLK, you’ve got a nice car. But you don’t have a Mercedes-Benz. You’re like a duke or an earl. Which is really quite lovely. But if you want the real deal, you’ll need to take it up a notch. As Mel Brooks would say, “It’s good to be the king.”
_______________________________________________
[1] Much like Depeche Mode’s Dave Gahan.
[2] Also like Depeche Mode’s Dave Gahan.
Photo(s) from Wikipedia.
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