Hello Gentleman Motorist,
I was recently saw a group of cars drive by that clearly looked like they were in a “car gang” (think “The Fast And The Furious” when they race the guys in the American muscle cars).
How can a gentleman motorist navigate rolling up in a line of classic Dodge Chargers with souped-up engines popping out of the hood to see the next eagerly anticipated Fast and Furious sequel at the movie theater while keeping his gentlemanly stature and status?
The Expeditious & Perturbed Gentleman
Dear reader, thank you for your inquiry. As a threshold matter, gentlemen do not consort with gangs. They are members of clubs. The distinction may be one of form, but it is of the utmost importance in polite society. Now let’s explore your specific query—can a gentleman motorist associate with a car gang?
As a point of clarification, “The Fast and the Furious” films are not for gentleman motorists[1]. Indeed, the subject matter of these films violates several of the Ten Commandments for Gentleman Motorists. Apparently, the characters in these films form a band of car-driving rogues who live by their own code and who have little regard for the law. Gentlemen motorists also live by a code but have a healthy respect for the law. And should the law ever come between a gentleman motorist and his desires, he merely exerts his influence to have the law changed in his favor. This is America after all.
That said, a gentleman motorist will inevitably find himself in a situation where he is confronted by motorists and “automotive enthusiasts” who do not abide by his code. So here is a guide to help you through these challenging situations.
Plan ahead. Car gangs tend to associate in certain locations or “turfs.” A gentleman motorist should simply avoid these turfs (i.e., Honda Civic night at the LA River or Mopar night at the local Walmart). But if contact is unavoidable, avail yourself of the most luxurious and soundproof vehicle at your disposal. A Rolls Royce will do nicely. In so doing, you can enjoy the spectacle of the car gang in the peace and comfort of your gentlemanly surroundings. Alternatively, avail yourself of the most impressive vehicle at your disposal. Indeed, it is hard to imagine a car gang that would not be impressed by the sight of a McLaren P1. But if said car gang is not impressed, at least you can outrun them.
If you can’t beat them, join them. Make friends with the car gang through polite conversation. Try, “What a lovely Dodge Challenger you have. They really have come a long way since the Dukes of Hazard.” Or, “You must have put a lot of work into that Honda Civic. I have never seen a giant spoiler that color before.” Or still, “That is a lot of neon under your Dodge Neon. I never knew the appellation was also a command.” Or further still, “My, that is a loud exhaust system. If that doesn’t get people’s attention your Ed Hardy t-shirt certainly will.” Those should get the ball rolling for sure.
Roll with Your Club. Strength lies in numbers. So perhaps you should consider joining your particular car manufacturer’s local club chapter. In addition to getting certain financial incentives and invitations to exclusive events, you may have your own public gathering of gentlemen motorists to discuss and appreciate your mutually loved vehicles. Then when a souped-up Dodge Charger encounters your group, its driver will be the one who feels out of place. But gentlemen motorists are, above all else, gentlemen. So treat said driver with the upmost kindness and respect. Besides, you both might learn something.
At the end of the day, we all love cars. So there should be some common ground between you and the car gang. But if tensions flare, call the police. This is not “Anchorman” and a gentleman does not carry a trident…often.
_____________________________________________
[1] That said, one is welcome to enjoy the spectacle of these motion pictures in the way that one appreciates a keg beer in a solo cup.
Photo(s) from Yahoo!.
That said, a gentleman motorist will inevitably find himself in a situation where he is confronted by motorists and “automotive enthusiasts” who do not abide by his code. So here is a guide to help you through these challenging situations.
Plan ahead. Car gangs tend to associate in certain locations or “turfs.” A gentleman motorist should simply avoid these turfs (i.e., Honda Civic night at the LA River or Mopar night at the local Walmart). But if contact is unavoidable, avail yourself of the most luxurious and soundproof vehicle at your disposal. A Rolls Royce will do nicely. In so doing, you can enjoy the spectacle of the car gang in the peace and comfort of your gentlemanly surroundings. Alternatively, avail yourself of the most impressive vehicle at your disposal. Indeed, it is hard to imagine a car gang that would not be impressed by the sight of a McLaren P1. But if said car gang is not impressed, at least you can outrun them.
If you can’t beat them, join them. Make friends with the car gang through polite conversation. Try, “What a lovely Dodge Challenger you have. They really have come a long way since the Dukes of Hazard.” Or, “You must have put a lot of work into that Honda Civic. I have never seen a giant spoiler that color before.” Or still, “That is a lot of neon under your Dodge Neon. I never knew the appellation was also a command.” Or further still, “My, that is a loud exhaust system. If that doesn’t get people’s attention your Ed Hardy t-shirt certainly will.” Those should get the ball rolling for sure.
Roll with Your Club. Strength lies in numbers. So perhaps you should consider joining your particular car manufacturer’s local club chapter. In addition to getting certain financial incentives and invitations to exclusive events, you may have your own public gathering of gentlemen motorists to discuss and appreciate your mutually loved vehicles. Then when a souped-up Dodge Charger encounters your group, its driver will be the one who feels out of place. But gentlemen motorists are, above all else, gentlemen. So treat said driver with the upmost kindness and respect. Besides, you both might learn something.
At the end of the day, we all love cars. So there should be some common ground between you and the car gang. But if tensions flare, call the police. This is not “Anchorman” and a gentleman does not carry a trident…often.
_____________________________________________
[1] That said, one is welcome to enjoy the spectacle of these motion pictures in the way that one appreciates a keg beer in a solo cup.
Photo(s) from Yahoo!.
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