iconoclast (noun): a person who criticizes or opposes beliefs and practices that are widely accepted
idiot (noun): a very stupid or foolish person
The world needs iconoclasts—those individuals who are willing to think outside the box and challenge convention. Galileo, the Wright brothers, and Steve Jobs all come to mind. But let us take care not to confuse iconoclasm with idiocy. Case in point, rolling coal. Which, as you are about to discover, is one of the dumbest phenomena in the history of motoring.
So you are not convinced that global warming is real. Fine. John Stuart Mill would be the first to tell you that there is no progress without debate. Also, you do not like the government telling you what to do. No problem. The United States would not exist if the colonists had not shared your concerns. Also, you like big trucks. Who doesn’t? They let you haul boats, horses, and all sorts of tools and supplies for legitimate purposes. But does that mean that you should modify the computer and fuel system in your diesel truck[1] to spew massive amounts of black smoke into the air, line of sight, and lungs of all those around you? No. No it does not.
This conclusion, dear readers, should not surprise you since rolling coal violates no less than three of the Ten Commandments (for Gentleman Motorists). But rolling coal also violates our fundamental understanding of common sense[2] and the Golden Rule[3]. And, yes, it also violates the law[4]. In other words, there is absolutely no reason to roll coal.
But, you say, what about free speech and protest? Slow down, William Wallace. First of all, harming others and the environment is not the same thing as free speech. Check out the First Amendment to the Bill of Rights[5] and about 225 years of legal precedent. Since one cannot yell fire in a crowded theater (if there is no fire) one should not be able foist a vast amount of carcinogens upon their fellow motorists and call it free speech. And protest? When the colonists dumped tea into the Boston harbor, they made an important statement about their unwillingness to accept taxation without representation[6]. Yes, some economic interests were harmed. And, yes, there was an environmental impact—namely that some aquatic life was treated to a cup of earl grey. In no way does rolling coal rise to the level of legitimate protest. And let us not forget that purposefully burning through a bunch of natural resources just to make a point (whatever that is supposed to be) is just plain wasteful.
You may be surprised, dear readers, to learn that the Gentleman Motorist has observed the rolling of coal in person. Oh yes, there were modified diesel trucks at an open drag race event several months ago. At that time, one assumed that the massive amount toxic, black smoke these vehicles were spewing into the air was the unfortunate byproduct of an effort to increase the speed and performance of these particular trucks. But now that rolling coal has captured the attention of so many, one is not so sure. And the motives behind the modification of those trucks at the drag strip appear a bit more sinister and stupid in hindsight.
Some may say that geography, demographics, socio-economic conditions, and other variables all influence one’s decision to roll coal. But keep in mind that the modifications required to roll coal cost money—anywhere from hundreds to thousands of dollars. And diesel fuel is not cheap. Thus a coal roller is making a deliberate, financial commitment to visibly harming the environment for their own personal satisfaction. So, if anything, rolling coal is form of conspicuous consumption sort of like owning a Chevy Suburban, a Mercedes-Benz G 65 AMG, or the Motor Yacht Azzam.
In conclusion, a gentleman motorist does not roll coal. If you do, you are an even bigger jerk that the BMW drivers that take up multiple parking spaces and the Prius drivers that lecture you about the environment. Motoring aside, there is nothing gentlemanly about deliberately harming others just for the sake of argument. Indeed, there are better ways to make a point. After all, the pen is mightier than the sword … and your diesel truck.
_____________________________________________
[1] Rolling coal violates the Fourth, Eighth, and Ninth (in some instances) Commandments. Three strikes and you’re out.
[2] This should appeal to those who adhere to the concept of logic.
[3] This should appeal to those who adhere to religious tenants. Would Jesus roll coal? Hard to imagine.
[4] Clean Air Act.
[5] Bill of Rights.
[6] Note that the Boston Tea Party is still part of the curriculum in schools. It seems improbable that rolling coal will one day find its way into the same history text book.
Photo(s) from Wikipedia and Jalopnik. Definitions from Merriam-Webster Online.
This conclusion, dear readers, should not surprise you since rolling coal violates no less than three of the Ten Commandments (for Gentleman Motorists). But rolling coal also violates our fundamental understanding of common sense[2] and the Golden Rule[3]. And, yes, it also violates the law[4]. In other words, there is absolutely no reason to roll coal.
But, you say, what about free speech and protest? Slow down, William Wallace. First of all, harming others and the environment is not the same thing as free speech. Check out the First Amendment to the Bill of Rights[5] and about 225 years of legal precedent. Since one cannot yell fire in a crowded theater (if there is no fire) one should not be able foist a vast amount of carcinogens upon their fellow motorists and call it free speech. And protest? When the colonists dumped tea into the Boston harbor, they made an important statement about their unwillingness to accept taxation without representation[6]. Yes, some economic interests were harmed. And, yes, there was an environmental impact—namely that some aquatic life was treated to a cup of earl grey. In no way does rolling coal rise to the level of legitimate protest. And let us not forget that purposefully burning through a bunch of natural resources just to make a point (whatever that is supposed to be) is just plain wasteful.
You may be surprised, dear readers, to learn that the Gentleman Motorist has observed the rolling of coal in person. Oh yes, there were modified diesel trucks at an open drag race event several months ago. At that time, one assumed that the massive amount toxic, black smoke these vehicles were spewing into the air was the unfortunate byproduct of an effort to increase the speed and performance of these particular trucks. But now that rolling coal has captured the attention of so many, one is not so sure. And the motives behind the modification of those trucks at the drag strip appear a bit more sinister and stupid in hindsight.
Some may say that geography, demographics, socio-economic conditions, and other variables all influence one’s decision to roll coal. But keep in mind that the modifications required to roll coal cost money—anywhere from hundreds to thousands of dollars. And diesel fuel is not cheap. Thus a coal roller is making a deliberate, financial commitment to visibly harming the environment for their own personal satisfaction. So, if anything, rolling coal is form of conspicuous consumption sort of like owning a Chevy Suburban, a Mercedes-Benz G 65 AMG, or the Motor Yacht Azzam.
In conclusion, a gentleman motorist does not roll coal. If you do, you are an even bigger jerk that the BMW drivers that take up multiple parking spaces and the Prius drivers that lecture you about the environment. Motoring aside, there is nothing gentlemanly about deliberately harming others just for the sake of argument. Indeed, there are better ways to make a point. After all, the pen is mightier than the sword … and your diesel truck.
_____________________________________________
[1] Rolling coal violates the Fourth, Eighth, and Ninth (in some instances) Commandments. Three strikes and you’re out.
[2] This should appeal to those who adhere to the concept of logic.
[3] This should appeal to those who adhere to religious tenants. Would Jesus roll coal? Hard to imagine.
[4] Clean Air Act.
[5] Bill of Rights.
[6] Note that the Boston Tea Party is still part of the curriculum in schools. It seems improbable that rolling coal will one day find its way into the same history text book.
Photo(s) from Wikipedia and Jalopnik. Definitions from Merriam-Webster Online.
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